Dylan & Heather

These past two weeks have been......enlightening. I don't really have the words to express the feelings I have right now, but I did want to document what has been going on.

Friday, November 4:
Woke up to Hendrix puking all over the door to his bedroom. Dylan got him in the shower while I cleaned up the room. I've been feeling off and kept telling Dylan if I didn't know better, I would swear I was pregnant (I have an IUD birth control in). I decided to take a pregnancy test, just for my peace of mind. Surprise surprise, it's positive!! We weren't planning on a third kid. I think I'm excited. Dylan definitely is. It's a lot to take in. Eloise will be 1 on Sunday......

My OBGYN is out of the office until Monday, so I met with another doctor in her clinic. I had a blood test to confirm my pregnancy. My HCG is in the 800's, which means I'm 2-3 weeks pregnant. No one could believe I had a positive home pregnancy test. I keep getting asked, how did I know?? Birth control got removed.

Saturday, November 5:
Spending all day up in the mountains at the 40 acre woods. I feel incredibly sick. I can't eat anything. I NEVER felt this sick with either of the other kids. Both of my kids have had fevers and diarrhea and puking in Hendrix's case. Carly brought up a good point, it's most likely too soon in the pregnancy for me to feel so sick. I probably just have a bug too. That is really comforting, because that means this is hopefully temporary, and not what is the new normal.

Sunday, November 6:
Not nauseas, but had some spotting early in the morning. Bleeding picked up by the afternoon. I had a miscarriage before Hendrix's pregnancy, and this feels very similar. We know that getting pregnant on an IUD comes with it's own complications and have kind of prepared for this already, but it's still hard. We got to Tom & Glenda's for dinner and celebrate Eloise's 1st birthday with the family. Tom, Dylan, and Shem give me a blessing.

Monday, November 7:
I have more blood work this morning to see how much my HCG has gone up. We are wanting it to double to be a regular pregnancy. I'm sure it will have dropped. The bleeding has increased. I called Dr. Whitaker's office and left a message, letting them know the blood work was done and I think I'm miscarrying. I get a call back 20 minutes later asking how soon can I go to La Grande to meet with Dr. Whitaker. Get an appointment scheduled. I asked if they got my message, and the nurse said she assumed so since Dr. Whitaker is having her call me. I get a phone call 30 minutes later apologizing for being so late in returning my message and asking if I want to talk to a nurse. I told them I had an appointment scheduled, and did my message get passed on? She assumes so, if I had a phone call already.

I get to Dr. Whitaker's office and the nurse checks me in. She is super nice, and asking me the important questions. She asks how old the kids are, and says something like "oh, they are close, but that sounds like it will be a good distance between all three!" I hesitate and then tell her I think I'm having a miscarriage? Isn't that why I'm here? She looks so embarrassed and keeps apologizing. She had no idea. She goes to get the doctor. Dr. Whitaker comes in. It's so good to see her. I love Dr. Whitaker so much. Before we get going I tell here there might be some confusion and update her with what has happened the last 48 hours. She had no idea I was bleeding so much. She never saw any blood work. She just wanted to see me because she couldn't believe I got pregnant on an IUD. I was her first Skyla (type of IUD I was on) failure. She tells me that removing the IUD can cause some bleeding, and that I could still be pregnant. I'm shaken. I had already come to terms with the fact that we lost this pregnancy. Both Dr. Whitaker and the nurse take off to hunt down my blood work. I'm sitting by myself, having just been told I might still be pregnant, for 20 minutes while they search for blood work. I'm wishing Dylan came with me. Exactly a year ago I met with Dr. Whitaker and she gave me the green light to take my brand new baby home from the hospital. Today I'm meeting with her to see if I'm keeping or losing another baby. Finally they come back. I got my blood drawn at a clinic, not the hospital, and they send the blood out to be tested. It will take longer to get the results, so we have to wait. In the mean time, since I'm here, let's do an ultrasound. Nothing conclusive. It's still early enough that while it is possible to see a gestational sack, it's okay that we can't. Everything else looks like what we would expect this early in pregnancy.

I get a phone call right before 5pm. My HCG levels are just over 1000. Not as high as we were hoping but sill rising. Still pregnant. More blood work on Wednesday.

Tuesday, November 8:
I feel so emotionally exhausted. Finding out I was pregnant, thinking I miscarried, being told I'm still pregnant, my hormone levels not rising as much as we want......I'm just all around tired at this point.

Wednesday, November 9:
Blood work in the morning. Waiting game again. Get a phone call in the evening again. 1300's. Still rising, but still not great. Concerns of an ectopic pregnancy at this point. It's early enough in the pregnancy that we might see a jump in numbers (although a slim chance). I want to wait before we do anything extreme and the doctor feels good about that decision. Blood work again on Friday.

Thursday, November 10:
No more bleeding. Still feel exhausted. Looking forward to any news, just so we know what's going to happen. I just have a feeling that we aren't getting to keep this pregnancy. Mom and Dad get here at 4pm. We show them the shop and eat apple crisp.

Friday, November 11:
Mom and Dad leave at 4am to head to Rexburg to visit Keith & Courtney, and Will. Eloise has her 1 year check up. She is awesome. I get my blood drawn. Doing more tests this time to make sure my liver and kidneys can hold up in case I need to get methotrexate to abort a tubal pregnancy. Almost 10pm (we are in bed. Dylan is snoring but I'm starting to cramp and it's keeping me up.) I get a phone call from a nurse. She wanted to let me know Dr. Whitaker is going to be calling me, so if I see an unknown number please answer it. A few minutes later Dr. Whitaker calls. They don't have my HCG  back yet, but my Glucose level is so low (38) that she was worried I was comatose. It's so low and obviously I'm fine enough to have a conversation that she thinks it's a lab error, but it is possible I'm becoming diabetic. I might be hypoglycemic. This means more testing, a fast then a 2 hour glucose test. Let's wait until we get other things sorted out before we worry about this though. We set up an ultrasound for 7am at the hospital, 8:30 with Dr. Whitaker, and we will decide from there if I need to get the shot.

Saturday, November 12:
Dylan and Hendrix head up to the 40 acre woods. I'm so exhausted I need a couch day, plus I need to work on a talk for Sunday. Louie and I have a girls day. Work on my talk, make a couple pies, eat cinnamon rolls. Abdomen pain is getting a lot worse. Mom and Dad get back around 8:30.

Sunday, November 13:
Breakfast. Sacrament Meeting. Talk. Head home to feed Mom & Dad before they need to get on the road. I'm in pretty bad pain at this point. Dad & Dylan give me a blessing before Mom and Dad head home. Hendrix keeps saying "Grandma, I go to" and wants to get in their car. I change into sweats and don't leave the couch for the rest of the day.

Monday, November 14:
Hendrix wakes up at 5am. It's fine because we need to leave at 6am to get to the ultrasound on time. Drop the kids off at Nana and Papa's. Ultrasound tech is the same lady that did Eloise's ultrasound. I did not expect the ultrasound to be the most painful part of the day. Head over to Dr. Whitaker's office for a physical and a chat. My HCG numbers from Friday were still in the 1300's, so no significant change. The ultrasound was inconclusive. There were different theories after having 4 different people look at it. It is either a tubal pregnancy, I miscarried, or I wasn't actually pregnant to start with (an egg might have not been reabsorbed and swelled, and caused pressure which triggered my body to start producing the pregnancy hormones). Regardless, my body was still producing the pregnancy hormones and I had a lesion/possible gestational sack in my tube that could cause a rupture. The solution to all of these things are the same, the methotrexate shot (which is a chemo shot used to treat cancer, and an offshoot use is to treat whatever this is that is going on. I'm in enough pain that Dr. Whitaker is worried about internal bleeding, so she wants me monitored for an hour after I get the shot. Back to the hospital.

They want to prep me for surgery in case there is an emergency. I get sent to the SurgiCenter, strip down and into a gown. LOTS of blood drawn for more testing. IV hooked up. 2 units of blood on hand. The SurgiCenter is packed, so since I'm just in for monitoring and hoping not to go into surgery, they send me up to the maternity ward. Nobody wants me to walk (I have no idea why) so they wheel me on the bed through the crowded wing, to an elevator, and up to the 3rd floor. We are the only ones up here. I'm in the room both my kids were born in.

The nurse is awesome. It's quiet. I get the shot in my thigh (it is a similar process to a flu shot, nothing too bad). Nobody all morning has let me drink anything and they took a lot of blood (and spilled a lot....) the nurse got the okay from Dr. Whitaker and made me a sprite/cranberry juice cocktail. I'm so happy. I'm hooked up to my IV, pressure cuff, and blood oxygenation reader. Every 20 minutes the nurse checks my vitals. the hour is up and I've drank 32 ounces and I'm about to wet the bed. I can't wait any longer. I buzz the nurse. As soon as she unhooks me I literally run to the bathroom. I forgot about the IV bag. Luckily she stops me before I got too far. Dylan grabs the bag and follows me into the bathroom. This feels familiar. Once I'm done I get the IV removed. My arm is already bruised. Why did they put it in my elbow? Possible side effects of medicine: nausea, cramping, minor hair loss, dizziness, bleeding. Don't take ibuprofen or vitamins with folic acid. I'm starving though and can only think about a cheese burger, so the nurse gives me a barf bag and sends us on our way. We stop by Cock n Bull on our way home. I can't eat while the car is moving.

Fall asleep on the way to Nana and Papa's. Pick up the kids. Hendrix goes to bed as soon as we get home. Lou goes down. Dylan heads to work and I go to bed. Eloise only sleeps for an hour and I feel worse than I did before my short nap. I get up with her and just deal. I'm counting down the minutes until Dylan comes home. I spend the rest of the evening on the couch. Dylan reheats soup for dinner. I go to bed at 7pm with Eloise.

Tuesday, November 15:
I take the morning off and work the afternoon. I'm feeling better overall, I think, but my appetite is still off. I can't get myself to eat, even though I can feel myself getting hangry. Thankfully I have a lot of computer/vinyl cutting to do, so I stay in my chair mostly at work. It's pouring down rain and I have an incredible view through my massive front windows. Finally it's sort of cold. What a strange November. I'm feeling okay so I work late to try to catch up. I get home just after 6. I had made a crockpot before I left and Dylan had cooked some rice. I get 5 bites into my bowl before my cramping is so intense I can't handle it. Spent 30 minutes in the bathroom deciding if I'm going to puke or not, head to bed.

Wednesday, November 16:
Every day I think is a little better. I still don't feel good, but I'm not terrible. My pain is very low. I still don't have an appetite but eating doesn't make me feel sick. I'm able to work all morning and into the afternoon. Come home and work some more at the computer, make cookies, tidy up, make a massive pizza. Missionaries come over for dinner. I'm able to eat the entire meal and, while I still don't feel "normal" I don't feel as terrible as I have been. Grateful for the improvement!

Dylan and I weren't planning on a pregnancy at all, but once we found out we were pregnant we got excited about it pretty quick. Dylan had been pretty sure he didn't want anymore kids. I sometimes thought maybe there was one more, but wasn't sure. Since Dylan was so adamant I was okay with his decision. If anything, this trial has shown us that we do want another baby. I feel like it's brought us closer together, and allowed us to exercise our faith in a way that has strengthened it. I'm so grateful for my husband, Dad, Father-in-Law, and Brother-in-Law who are all worthy priesthood holders and were able to bring me peace and comfort during this physically and emotionally trying time. I am so grateful that we found out so soon that we were pregnant and were able to track this from very early stages. I really feel like I was guided in my choices, and I feel like we avoided potential disaster. My body has a lot of healing to do, and I need to get my blood sugar levels under control (or at least find out if its something I need to worry about) and then we will talk about that 3rd baby again :)